Don’t be a scumbag

May 3, 2013 — 70 Comments
Life can be cruel, but it is cruel and hard on everyone in different ways. If you grew up in a shitty environment with people who treated you with disdain and cruelty and down right neglect and abuse then this is horrible. Its understandable to be hurt and then battle with confusion and disfunction as a result through your childhood and teenage years but you know what? Come adulthood turn and face that thing head on.
There is nothing that no scumbag mum or dad or uncle or upbringing can do to truly defeat you unless at some point you give up, and if you give up because it was all too much, then maybe no one could even fault you for that, but if you use that scum bag of a father or scumbag of a mother or scumbag of an upbringing to then JUSTIFY treating another human being with neglect and abuse and generally being a scum bag yourself, then you have lost a leg to stand on.
Man up/woman up and learn about accountability.
The greatest men and women in our history have created that history with nothing more than the memories of tragedy/abuse/loss/stolen innocence and an understanding that at some point you have the choice to either stop the cycle, or to keep being a scumbag.
Dont be a scumbag.
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70 responses to Don’t be a scumbag

  1. 

    you are saying be the change you want to see in the world, to give ourselves to love instead because its already been given to us….thank you for inviting us to choose love for ourselves first….thank you for this fabulous post

  2. 

    Two thumbs up!! I will always remember to never be a scumbag!

  3. 

    So true. I agree with you one hundred percent.

  4. 

    I completely agree with what you said. Their is no reason on Earth for losing your humanity, no matter how bad your background was. Thank you for sharing this :)

  5. 

    Truly, never judge yourself or future by your awful experiences. Make an impact wherever you are. Nice post.

  6. 

    I like this. There is a sad set of data, though, that shows if a boy or girl is witness to or the subject of domestic violence, they show a higher propensity to either commit (as a man) such acts or find a partner who will lord over them with control and DV (if a woman). This is why it so important to get the kids away from this scumbag (along with their mother), so they can heal physically as well as mentally. You emulate what you see, even if they are a scumbag. So, your post has a lot of meaning. Well done. Thanks for following my blog, BTG

  7. 

    This is dead on to my last blog post. The man was damaged & scared. Yet I was the one in the hospital. Puhhhlease, scumbag. He should read this. Thanks! Yes be the change you wish to see! Take responsibility for your actions and treat everyone the way you want to be treated.

  8. 

    You tell ‘em sister! There is nothing more heartbreaking and simultaneously infuriating than seeing someone neglect their own talents and abilities, using injuries of the past as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for their own existence. Once we reach adulthood there is no excuse – unless you are genuinely mentally ill in which case it isn’t an excuse but a condition. If you have your health you have the means to create a worthwhile present that can lead to a more humane and harmonious future. One could call it the Scumbag downward spiral – “I suffered abuse and am therefore entitled to treat others like crap and manipulate them because I am scared and insecure” bollocks!!! I watched my brother slide down that mole hole, I guess I am fortunate in having had his example to drive me toward the light.

  9. 

    Bravo..! ‘Pay it forward’ is not for scumbag-ness.

  10. 

    Your posts read like an effortless rant from the heart- I feel like we would have a lot to discuss and talk about!! I agree shit stuff doesn’t and never will justify bein a shit- everyone has their own stuff to deal with.

    I was so thrilled that you liked my first post ‘it’s the little things’!

    Iv just written a new post ‘The dating Game: a land of limbo’ http://justfindingmywaymum.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/the-dating-game-a-dangerous-land-of-limbo/

    So for any girls feeling scorned/ disappointed/ frustrated in a relationship/dating have a read…you might just be able to relate to My bruised ego/ heart.

    DM xx

  11. 

    Very powerful and forthright.

  12. 

    I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that your past can defeat you if you give up. That’s the key – never give up and never stop looking forward.

  13. 

    Such a succinct ant powerful post and the perfect video to go with it. I tell the kids i work with all the time to not allow their “scumbag” parents to define who they are and who they will become. I think i may just share this post with a group of kids I will be working with this afternoon. It will likely bring out a few tears and open up tons of discussion. Thank you.

  14. 

    yes. exactly. You are completely correct. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Good advice too, btw. Carry on. :D

  15. 

    Excellent points! I agree 100% habits are hard to break but not impossible the key is facing it!

  16. 

    Give up on the scumbags. If someone cannot treat you well in life, then why keep them around? And, it does not matter if they are family. Wonderful post!

    Thank you for signing up to follow my blog! I hope that you will enjoy my posts! – B

  17. 

    not all scumbags are family members…people are victimized by complete strangers…what about the person who is ostracized for reason beyond there control and find themselves exposed to daily ridicule and cruelty of mass mentality…this occurs in the workplace in schools in churches in every form in which people come together…how much effort do we make to make the unwanted welcome…we are all scumbags in our own right our indifference makes it so…what about the homeless guy we pass every day, do we stop to talk to him, to see if we can or do we pass him by in typical scumbag fashion…it is easy to say don’t be a scumbag…much harder to do…you are right it is a choice…one we all make…

  18. 

    Profoundly said. I write a lot about this on my blog too. You can take a tragic upbringing and turn it into something that ministers in a good way, to others. Good post!

  19. 

    Great post. We all have a choice on how we choose to act and react. :-)

  20. 

    It can be so hard to realize your own potential and self worth when you’ve experienced years of abuse and follow the same pattern into adulthood. I am guilty of taking my frustration out on other people, but when I realize that I was wrong I try to explain my feelings to those other people and apologize. We can’t control our past, but we can control our actions now to ensure a positive future. Great post………Healthy Journey!

  21. 

    I have to play both sides of the field, as my educational background is in studying those scumbags. I, along with probably most of you, had relatively positive, supportive, loving upbringings with a nuclear family. The most influential people in your lives (parents, relatives, teachers, friends) created an environment of success that can limit our perspectives.

    Sage Journal social sciences database has lots of research that, if anyone was so inclined, can use search terms such as parent* influen*, broken home, etc. to find out how powerful these factors are in a person’s upbringing.

    Counsellors that have read your inspiring blog know that they needed a Master’s Degree before they could privately practice because of the knowledge base necessary to take delicate people through the psychological process necessary to deal with their past demons. Your message is accurate, and I personally love it; its delivery to those who need it, however, needs finesse to hit home rather than sound blunt and like a barked order so much like the ones they have been getting from their socalled ‘loved ones’ their entire lives.

  22. 

    So true! But sadly, it’s easier to be a scumbag than it is to be nice. :(

  23. 

    Can you please write something happy and positive….everything seems to have a dark negative undertone….or is that the point?

  24. 

    I love how you pointed out that “The greatest men and women in our history have created that history with nothing more than the memories of tragedy/abuse/loss/stolen innocence”. I wake up with this conviction every day and I have always taken my unfortunate family background as an incentive to try harder and be better than what I saw.

    Thanks for reminding me this:D

  25. 

    Unfortunately, some of these great wo/men of history are scumbags too. What we can do is hope that, like the few scumbag “greats”, they do not become purely destructive and can at least productively contribute to the world. Call me a cynic, but I don’t believe every individual can have their 180-degree turns.

    I’m sorry I had to be the one injecting negativity in your post, especially one with such a positive message. Be strong and good luck on the journey that is life. :D

  26. 

    I already know i am going to get a lot out of your site here. I grew up in a abusive home, but can say with pride that i broke the cycle and did not abuse my two kids. I can relate. Thank u

  27. 

    Yep you nailed it indeed! Using the hurt suffered at someone elses hands to justify your own scumbag behavior is never an excuse. Yet we hear it all the time, in the courts and in the media. Love your posts :)

  28. 

    i mostly agree though the only thing i’d say is that unfortunately what parents/relatives teach can program people and it’s a lil’ more difficult to break that vicious cycle- which is why abuse tends to be cyclical. of course difficult doesn’t mean impossible. :) great post! also – thanks for stopping by my blog and liking my post “i hate missing him.” that one in particular is hard for me because it just never seems to get better – at least not permanently better.

  29. 

    Short post but intense and it gives a lot to think about the kind of environment we live in. Its sad that 90 % people in the world fall in to this category and I hate them.

  30. 

    If we have a horrible life or do horrible things and continuously say it is because of those people who were horrible to us when we were young, what we are doing is continuously handing over our power to those horrible people. We must take back our power. Great post! Thank you.

  31. 

    My daughter died in January 2013. She always taught her boys “I am your mother – not your excuse”. ALL our actions is based on decisions. Great post!

  32. 

    Well said, sweetie!

  33. 

    Well put, Vanessa! I agree! Oh wait, can we still be saturnine and introspective? ;)

  34. 

    Fantastic reminder and motivator for a Monday morning (we all need motivating on Mondays)!

  35. 

    There are so many reasons for anyone to become scumbag. Scumbag literally doesn’t mean being rude to someone it appears to me that the inherent trait of not reacting may also make you an adapted/attributed and helpless scumbag.Whenever you become a victim of abuse/insult and negligence from someone do not hesitate to encounter them by all sources available at your stake. Sometimes god also might appreciate vengeance. There are million reasons for a person to be happy but any comment made by a single dishonest individual can be a reason to greater extent for the same person’s demise. Such dishonest individuals are never to be spared and they are to be eliminated at any cost. The greatest mistake committed by any individual is making other person feel terribly sorry for his/her action. I believe they are not meant to be living on this planet.

  36. 

    Just a quick message to let you know I have nominated you for a versatile blogger award over on my blog
    Find out more here http://versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com/vba-rules/

  37. 

    I so agree with you on this! I decided to make 150% positive that I would bring my girls up total opposite of what happened to me! I was starved, poisoned, abused in all possible ways by first my both parents, two oder brothers aunts, uncles,cousins and then i married two abusers and got out but with two girls both from same abusive father…,an ex cop and an abuser! I raised them with total love, respect , no put downs, no hitting, no sarcasm, no mean words! They ate healthily and i sang and danced with them & read to them! I still “lost” my oldest daughter and it’s been almost 9 years now! She left & estranged herself from us at age 18! She tried to hurt her two yr younger sister…shes said horrible things …i was hurt in a MVA in 2002-August…I’ve ad 9 surgeries, chronic pain, -a heart attack a stroke…i have now a painful progressive nerve disease…she just makes fun and hurts me! Shes sided with and is friends with my abusers! My door will always be open….i think of every… every day ..but today on “mothers day” even more! She married in 2009 , didnt tell or invite me/us…now he has a 6 mos old daughter…i think f her each day too,! Ive ad a heart attack (drs called it true broken heart syndrome but still a real heart attack!) & a stroke! I’ll always love and miss her…i still have been sending bday cards etc.. I am proof that one can be bullied, abused, tortured even….and yet still I’m able to love and forgive without being a doormat!you dont have to be a “scumbag” because someone was or is one to you!

  38. 

    Reblogged this on The Arkside of Thought and commented:
    Yes.

  39. 

    BE THE CHANGE… there is never an reason to just sit back and not change!!! One has no control over the childhood they are given, but as adults we have every chance to make a change. You are not who you once were, you can be different than you were raised to be!!
    Nothing gets me more worked up than people who use their childhood as an excuse, and any time they to, I get right up in their face with my background… If I can become a person I actually like, if I can, Be the Change, then they can do.
    Excuses are exactly that, and they mean nothing!

  40. 
    smilesalothttps://wordpress.com/?ssl=forced#!/settings/public-profile/lady May 14, 2013 at 2:57 PM

    It’s amazing how you summed up such a great message in just a few words.

    And I promise never to be a scumbag. :-p

  41. 

    Hear here! Can’t stand people who blame a bad childhood for acting like scum.

  42. 

    I am touched and inspired by your words, and yes using excuses for ones behavior is just what it is a excuse. Non one our behaviors is role by any one then ourselves.Always remember that we are our own God and we rule our owns lives and make our own choice. Keep living and keep giving

  43. 

    Seriously. Why can’t my friends at school be as smart as you.

  44. 

    Accountability, this is the hardest lesson. I am in the midst of doing my very best to teach this to my girls aged 13 and nine. It may be the most difficult lesson I teach them but it will be something that will guide them through their lives. I do believe everyone has the power to change their reality with perserverance. The best things don’t happen over night. Thanks for sharing.

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

  1. It may linger… | FEC-THis - May 18, 2013

    […] Don’t be a scumbag (onethousandsingledays.com) […]

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