About

Hi there reader,

This website is a combination of two things: Stories that come from my upbringing, which was anything but regular, and the ongoing, play-by-play commentary of what unfolds over these next one thousand single days.

What do I mean when I say  ‘One thousand single days?’
I mean, one thousand days of being single. And by single I mean single in every sense of the word. And celibate.

This is an experiment on my life:  Deciding that for one time in my life, I am going to separate myself from that whole dirty, crazy, hectic romantic love thing, and then observe what happens to me during that time.

This is a choice. Until March 14, 2015, I am choosing to be alone. And what I choose to do with that time, I think, will define me later on.
I intend to use this time to address some of the issues I have. For example, I am very stubborn, I think I am always right, I have no boundaries, I have shockingly low self esteem, I get jealous, I can get really, really angry….
I am going to explore all those issues publicly in the most candid way I possibly can, knowing many of you will also relate to something i just listed, and it can help to know you aren’t alone. But we mustn’t be content in living with these character flaws. We have one life, there should be no excuse to exit this life with the same disfunction we were born into. We have to address our weaknesses for the sake of others, but mostly, for the sake of ourselves. Like attracts like. Whole people, attract whole people.
I want to learn to be whole.
I also feel (and correct me if I am wrong) that life at times seems to revolve around love-dating-men-women-sex-flirting-breakups-makeups-lovesongs-romantic comedies……..
Is there a life outside of it all?
Well, I intend to find out.
In choosing to commit to this period of my life to being single, I am not choosing to endure a period of life that will be absent of love. I are choosing to explore and experience every other form that love presents itself in. There is far, far more forms to love than just the one a lover or spouse can offer you.

They say that there is only one happiness in life; to love and be loved.
Yes, true enough perhaps but the source of that love? One man? One woman? Your boyfriend? Your date? Your lover?

What about the friend who you have known since you started walking? What about the brother who is over protective, but adores the heck out of you? What about your mother, who you haven’t gotten to know as well as you should yet, but would lay down her life for you? What about your kids, who forgive your failings and your stumbles and even after you have taken your frustrations out on them in an angry and unreasonable outburst, still curl up on your lap at the end of the night?
In choosing to remain single for the next 1000 days, I won’t necessarily lack love in my life. In fact, it is quite the contrary. I have begun discovering just how much love I have in my life. It’s always been there, and I’ve always felt I was well loved, but without the distraction of trying to stay afloat in a tumultuous relationship, I am beginning to see the extent of it.

Thank you for reading. As of May 2nd, 2013 I was 330 days into my 1000 single days and my life has already been transformed.
I am happier than I have ever been in my life.
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589 responses to About

  1. 

    I think this is fantastic ! Maybe all of us want to do what you propose but few have the guts to go ahead with it. Kudos to you !

  2. 

    Hi, thanks for stopping by and liking my post! I am now following you because I am interested in following your “single days” experiment. Good luck! :D

  3. 

    A breathtakingly refreshing attitude to life! And you are so right – like attracts like – I really look forward to following you and reading about this journey you are on

  4. 

    Wow what an original blog – I wish you all the best with your interesting experiment. Thanks for liking my post ‘Lessons in Love’ and enabling to discover your site. You have a new follower!

  5. 

    Thanks for the follow. I’m fascinated by your project. I’ve been single by choice for eight years (without a set time frame). I look forward to exploring more of your blog and enjoying future posts. I offer these two of my own for your reading pleasure:

    http://amazingsusansblog.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/see-me/
    http://amazingsusansblog.wordpress.com/2013/05/04/the-lost-and-found/

    XOX Susan

  6. 

    Thanks so much for stopping by my blog, because otherwise I wouldn’t have known about yours, which looks fascinating! I’m looking forward to seeing your journey from here. :-)

  7. 

    Amazing and wonderful.
    What a determination!.
    Thanks for the follow.

  8. 

    I love the idea and am inspired by the fact that you show women we have a choice! Being “single” is more than okay. I have found some of my most difficult times as a single person, but that is also when I grew the most and find that my creative energy is best when alone.

    Great story!
    Loreley Pelino

  9. 

    Thank you for following my blog TALES OF THE UNDYING SINGER. And thank you for your experiment (may it bring you into ever-greater balance so that when you ARE ready for romance, you’ll have that much more to contribute!) and for having the courage to start it and to blog about it.

  10. 

    Thanks for dropping by my blog! This is such a great thing you’re doing…I can easily relate. I spent 4 years just being single after having a bad breakup. I spent some of the time moving on properly but mostly, I spent time developing myself and became a whole new person. I hadn’t set a specific time period though…the time just passed on its own. Good luck with the continued transformation!

  11. 

    Woah! Thanks for stopping by my blog. Will be stopping of to see how things progress.

  12. 

    Hi Vanessa, your awesomeness has been acknowledged as publicly as I can make it. http://takeitfrommeg.com/2013/07/18/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

  13. 

    “I intend to use this time to address some of the issues I have. For example, I am very stubborn, I think I am always right, I have no boundaries, I have shockingly low self esteem, I get jealous, I can get really, really angry….”
    Jesus Christ! Are you my clone? I can relate to that and I, too, am sort of re=inventing myself and learning to love myself one day at a time….I pray every morning, I write a graditude list every day. I try to be more conscious of all the positives in my life. It is sometimes hard, sometimes frustrating, but most days it is almost second nature to bend down and pray in the morning; the list of things I am thankful for come easier and get longer everyday. It helps me realize how lucky I am to be alive. and how loved I am by my family and friends. I, too, am single….not so much by choice. But I’ll grin and bear it (heh) until God sends a man. Or however that works. I know definitely, I must love myself and be emotionally healthy before I can be that way in a romantic relationship. I’m on my way, though. :) I’ll stay posted, I followed your blog. Good luck!

  14. 

    I just stumbled upon 1000 Single Days via Pinterest. I love the Eat Pray Love kinda vibe about this experience, and thank you for sharing it. I am very pleased to see that you are happy. But I am curious, how do you define “happy?” At 46, with a well-defined life, I have been pondering the idea of Happy, and was wondering about your take on it.

    • 

      Hi Denise, this is a very, very good topic and I want to share my thoughts on happiness with you as my sister and I have been up late the last several weeks taking about this on and off and would love to share with you my thoughts but I am writing from my phone right now and my fingers can’t speak for my mind and heart as well via phone as they can when tapping away on a keyboard, but give me a day or so and I will share my heart on happiness with you. Would love to discuss it with you. Thank you so much for the message and so sorry for the delay in reply, this site receives so much correspondence but I truly do value the topic of happiness so much that I promise to chew over it with you. Until then, take care :-)

  15. 

    I so love your blog! You are doing an amazing thing with your life, and your writing is beautiful. I nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award :)
    http://afrenchamericanlife.com/2013/07/19/ive-been-nominated-for-the-very-inspiring-blogger-award/

  16. 

    Thank you for stopping by my blog and for following. You have a great blog here with some awesome content – keep up the good work :)

  17. 

    I too took time out of the relationship thing and learned to love myself. It is the most important aspect of love that I learned. Always wondered why God loved me and I learned why.

    To learn to love myself helped me to determine what I will and will not put up with (boundaries), where I need to back down and let others have their way (stubborness) all the same issues as you. I pray you learn the same lessons I have. gain joie de vivre and gain the peace that surpasses all understanding.

  18. 

    This is honestly one of the most interesting topics I’ve come across in a long time. I will absolutely be following your amazing story!

  19. 

    I just went through your blog and I really really loved it, till all articles I went through and your whole thought behind 1000 single days concept . It’s really awesome

  20. 

    Blessings,
    I don’t believe I’ve heard of anything like this, however, I think it’s cool that you are doing it. It’s amazing that one would make the decision to do this, however I know it will be truly rewarding for you. You will encounter many truly great and mighty things. Stay strong girl and when given the opportunity you should check my blog out. Many blessing to you and yours.

  21. 

    Wow, good luck. I think it might tough, but sounds like you are set & ready. Us men sure do love you ladies & I think yall love us from time to time…lol. I think that’s why I think it may get hard. On the other hand, I have always felt & lived by what you said here….”you only live once, so do what makes you happy”. Sounds like a good thing to write about too. I started following you to see how it all works out. Thanks so much for following my little gig. Good luck……jason

  22. 

    This is amazing! Totally love the concept! I wish I had been brave enough to do this!!! Excellent stuff! Thanks for coming by my blog…looking forward to following yours! I am sure I will learn alot!

  23. 

    I have been single for 4 years, but my situation is a bit different. Ex hubby, I am not in my twenties and I have a child. But I also don’t feel “dateable”. I don’t want to think about it either. I will be inspired by you to work on myself though b/c I have gotten heavier and I am not happy about that. Perhaps in my time of no men-which has been forever I can get me together in and out like you are doing. God Bless you!

    • 

      Hi there, thank you so much for your lovely and honest message. The first time I ever wrote on this site I wrote:
      Everyone, regardless of age, gender or race has an ideal.

      The ideal of a partner. You know how it goes: ‘I want a man/woman who is good looking, at least a 7/10, educated, funny, rich and romantic’ Fill in any spaces you want, or however your particular ideal goes, it may be different or it may be the same but ask yourself this: If you were to meet this magical person, this person who is your ideal…. If you were to meet them in real life… would YOU be the kind of person they would want?

      Fair enough to expect certain strengths from another person, but do you have the same strengths? Do you have strengths that a person like that is searching for? I’ve been asking myself this question lately.

      I don’t now, nor have I ever, felt that love has been a necessary ingredient in living a good life. I’m sure it sweetens the journey somewhat, but I have never once believed that love is the meaning of life, or anything close for that matter. So, if I were to be in love, it would have to be really, really worth it. It would have to be with someone… extraordinary.

      But as I think about it, someone extraordinary, would probably be searching for someone extraordinary too…. Right? Am I her? ……Not at the moment.

      Which is another thing. If I am brash enough or confident enough to demand a certain type of person to one day love, then it is only right that I work on who I am to create something beautiful within myself that would appeal to the kind of person I envision spending the rest of my life with.

      That was nearly 500 days ago. I too am divorced and have 2 sons. If you are brave enough to say that you dont believe you are dateable then you have already identified something that most people NEVER identify and in doing so you have given yourself the chance and opportunity to change that. Use this time well, you may never get the opportunity to be alone again so squeeze as much out of this time as you possibly can. EVERYONE has aspects of their personality and character that could use fine tuning and every man and woman could be more date-able or love-able than they already are, but you have to work at it. I have no doubt that when the time is right you will meet a good man. Until then, treasure this time.

  24. 

    lovely to meet you and thank you for your visit and follow at art rat cafe – I am truly honoured. your personal challenge is courageous and it is refreshing and inspiring to read your beautifully written and honest insights. love is so multifaceted…

  25. 

    Thanks so much for the follow. Keep up the great work and have an awesome day.

  26. 

    I’ve been single for over 2000 days (not by choice) and can assure you there is so much more to life than being in a relationship. Looking forward to reading about your discoveries during this time.

  27. 

    Wow 1000 single days! I’m only a few weeks into the 365 I planned for myself and it’s been interesting to say the least. I’m excited about your journey

  28. 

    hi there,
    i stumbled upon your blog..but just wanted to know who’s behind it. i’d like to know more about you. no name, no origin..it makes me want to move on.

    be well,

  29. 

    I stumbled upon your blog and I’m so glad. I finally found someone who thought about staying single. i did it in 2011 and I thought I was working against the natural law of the universe so I gave up the idea. I love your blog and I followed it instantly after reading ‘about the author’ because I felt like you were describing me.

    I would come back as often as I can.

    xoxo…Duyile.

    • 

      Hello! Thank you so much! I feel so silly as today I realised that the half way mark (day 500) had been and gone and I missed it! So here I am at an internet cafe trying to write and share whats been on my heart. I cant believe it has been 500 days already! Thank you for following and for your comment, it made my day :-)

  30. 

    And may you find that beautiful lady within. For she is the greatest love of all. Namaste

  31. 

    This is a brilliant idea. I’m looking forward to reading more. I sense that it’s going to transform how I look at my post divorce life and all that is missing – or that I think is missing – which perhaps my subconscious has decided I don’t need just yet.

    • 

      Sorry to hear you are dealing with a divorce. I too am divorced. I am over 500 days through this journey and I am happier than ever. Have learned some very tough lessons but it was worth it. I recommend ‘qualification:pain’ and ‘imagine that there is a war’ both on my blog. They deal with the nitty gritty things and I think you would get a lot out of them.
      Thank you so much for writing,
      Vanessa
      Xx

  32. 

    I’m glad to discover that I’m not the only one who believes that life does not revolve around romantic relationships! I’ve been single since May 2012, and am enjoying having time to concentrate on me during a period of metamorphosis. Unlike you, I’ve not taken any kind of vow or set myself a challenge -I’m simply ‘off’ men whilst I endeavour to forge a path for myself. I really admire what you’re doing, however.

  33. 

    Hi there, great blog and a great challenge. We’ve set up a little dating/charity challenge of our own and would love for you to take part – please, please click this link and have a little read. http://www.onlydates.co.uk/give-a-little-time-and-writing-for-charity/ – would be great to have you take part

  34. 

    Great post. I am dealing with a few of these issues as
    well..

  35. 

    Hi,

    Thanks so much for the blog follow. It has led me to your blog, which I am now following. Ah, how I envy you! I have been married for 21 years to a wonderful man, but there are times that I wish I was single. :)

    Nancy

  36. 

    Congrats on your excellent progress with your goals! There is a great deal going on in your heart, and soul, and mind … And that is the case with those around us, only at different levels. May your curiosity about this life be unmistakably redemptive. You have a great blog … And thank you, by the way, for stopping by one of my blogs, The Other Side of the Trees. Peace, T

  37. 

    Hi OTSD, thanks for introducing yourself by following our site. We wish you the best of luck with yours and with fulfilling your goal! If you’re on facebook we also invite you to visit the RAXA Collective page. See you there!

  38. 

    HI there – we’re Singles Warehouse, an all-inclusive dating resource site and we’d love to work with you.

    A bit about Singles Warehouse: We launched about four years ago and now see over 500K page views per month. We offer advice from industry experts like Dr. Wendy Walsh, Single Dating Diva, Gary Gunn and more…

    I wanted to see if you would be interested in guest blogging with us.

    If so, get in touch and I can send you some information. Our email address is info@singleswarehouse.co.uk.

    Speak soon

  39. 

    I do begin to see the stage in this movie, I had been creating
    a? aspect level in relation to training

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